Jo (the girl)

2010-01-05T05:45:00.001-08:00

My ear is so infected...it feels like it's going to

POP!

MOZAMBIQUE

2009-11-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

I remember warm sunshine. Humidity, tropical wonderfulness. I see the sea from the XaiXai bible college. I see the compound and the garden. During teatime, I kindly declined a cup of tea and learned that that was taboo, even though I had a good excuse "It is too hot outside!". I remember waking night after night covered in sweat because we only had a ceiling fan and it didn't go fast enough to cool us down. We had to learn to fall asleep, sweating. I saw the beautiful Indian Ocean in all of it's organic, fresh, lovliness. A wonderful medicine that cured my sinus infection that had started just a few days before we were to leave the states...for three weeks. I remember going down to the water reef and looking for little colorful creatures in the crevaces. The hot sun on my neck as I reach in to try and find a hidden cowry shell. Beyond the reef you would see some fisherman, the ones who got away with it--others were fined for going past the reeves, either to "save you from the sharks" or to try to save the rest of the living reef that was beyond. We walked down the beach in barefeet, holding our sandals in one hand and pulling up the edge of our skirt with the other hand to keep it dry. Eating half a chicken. Eating a whole fish (head and tail included) being greated by a rott weiler and a mix pup everytime we "came home". Painting the front of the mission house in white. Dave getting shocked by the open outlet without a light in it. "What's up shockage!?" Long drives that went on forever. Rough terrain in the bush. Eating curried Fish and curried chicken until we felt sick. Then taking that same rough terrain back home. Getting car sick. Hating curry. "Muffler trees" for sale and a tank of some sort IN a tree, chained up. Cows. Filtered water. 5:30am safari trips. Seeing my first lion in Africa. Waking up to the growls of Hippos. Emily getting food poisoning. Everyone accept me getting parasites (PTL T didn't get sick!) Phillips, Craig, and Dean in the mornin. Cheese grader. Recycling ziploc bags. Brown sugar in your tea instead of white. Fresh, sweet, African pineapple. Jade plants. Art. Mountains. Hiking/exploring. Big smiles followed by shocked screams (white skin). Cheeseburger and "chips" (fries). Colorful walls. The tide comes in about 2pm--best be warned. BRAAI. Hermit crabs. "We call soccer....soccer." Tangerines. Jesus Film in Shangaan. Miniature bananas. Glowing crabs, on the beach, sandals, screaming girls. Flowers hanging from the kashu trees. Passing out Bibles in Shangaan and Portuguese. The missionaries "Rigged up" security system which consisted of a switch, wire, and an outlet...OUCH! Watching my team-mates eat Nchima for the first time. I encouraged them to put sugar on it :) RAIN. Me skidding down the stairs on my rump and causing permanent damage to my back. God saving us from a potentially dangerous trailer accident. Extravagant, beautiful, abandoned hotels. Sunrise, sand dollar, jellyfish. Maputo, city livin! kurio shopping. Getting excited about American food. Dip shoes in Pesticide to get into S.A. Fanta. Bats flying around our heads...all night long. Kruger park. Big 5. Photographer's heaven. sunsets. Water buffalo road block. Buzzing Legs. Big ben. Gorgeous parks, and too much walking in London. NEVER fly with British Airlines.

2009-11-06T06:20:00.000-08:00

Who really wants to do the same boring job everyday anyway? I mean, sitting in a chair and doing the same thing over and over, everyday, it just sucks.

I am going to get to go out and do different things, everyday, with different patients==watching their progress/or otherwise. I will get to do the grossest things known to man/woman and get paid big bucks for it. Okay, maybe not BIG bucks, but real money (a lot more money than I get now) none the less.

Maybe I'll even get to be farted in the face (story I heard from my tutor that happened to her) ***Names withheld for privacy reasons.

Ode to Daniel

2009-10-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

25 years old you would be if you were still here...but you aren't. The pain of your passing has lasted all of these years. Though you lived only a few days, your life is etched in our hearts forever. Brother Daniel.

I am crying now just thinking of you if you were still alive. I know you are in Heaven waiting for us, but we can't help but wonder how life would be if you were still with us. I wonder what you would be.

Daniel you gave your heart up for us so that we could live. The seeds you planted in our lives, and God grew into completion, will spread forever through the generations to come. Dear Brother Daniel.

You were the first missionary in our family and I vow to keep that going. I am the first born, I have an obligation, and a calling. Both I cannot deny. I am reminded this day of how you gave up your life so that our family could find God--a purpose only HE knew at that time. Every person in our family probably would not be where they are physically or spiritually if you had not lived...then died.

Our pain in your remembrance, of your love and our love for you will never go away. We love you.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

Daniel.

2009-10-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the weight of worry over a friend is too much. The burden of their spiritual state is overbearing.

I'm such a downer I could be a good prophet, but I don't want to bring people messages of doom like most of em in the OT.

2009-10-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of being ill. I'm ill of being sick. I want to be done. Stupid pathogens.

2009-10-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart
that's still beating
in the pain
there is healing
in Your Name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on,
barely holding onto you.

2009-10-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

The most recent "construction" of sorts, on campus, are these strange posts that they're putting in the ground on both sides of the south entrance. AROUND the current sign that is there, but on both sides. I think they're going to do a huge, arched entrance sign to WESLEY SEMINARY. Yes, I think so. Wesley Seminary is going to take over. Yesterday morning these were just silver cinder blocks, at noon they were painted black, today they're putting brick around the black cinder blocks. Something big is happening. There are THREE of these on ONE side. Something big is happening. Yes. Something BIG. I'm afraid this might affect the property value of my house. I know I don't own it, but I live here. Am I going to have to see a huge, sign every morning that says Wesley Seminary? I hope not. There're doing this on the Adams street entrance too. On that side it'll probably say "Entrance to the President's house."

No, IWU isn't trying to take over marion, just cut back benefits from it's employees that already don't get paid enough and then use that money to make un-needed, random structures at the entrances. HELLO!

2009-10-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

They had been in the boat all night long in the fridged weather. They were fishing and becoming quite dishearted. Their repeated rhythm of throwing the nets over the side of the boat had become more slow and pathetic as time went on. Everyone was exhausted.

He was resting in the front mast of the boat--afterall, he had been standing all night and the others were younger. They could keep trying. He started to doze off. The water was smooth and calm. The light blurping of the water on the side of the boat was lulling him.

All of the sudden they heard a voice from far off. It was strangely clear, and vaguely familiar. He didn't look just yet, but was surprised and listened closely to the words. That voice. Those words. He had heard them before.

"It is the LORD!" cried another.

Immediately Peter struggled and wound his head around to squint and see if it was possible. He saw someone on the shore and immediately ripped off his outer garmet. Clumsily, he hurriedly crawled out of the boat and started to vigorously swim to the shore.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Can you imagine how he must have felt after denying Christ 3 times? He probably felt like the awful traitor that he was. He had betrayed the one that he claimed to love. Do you think that he was wondering if his act would show his devotion or urgency to be back to Christ and ask his forgiveness? Do you think that he immediately dropped to his knees and started crying at Jesus' feet or just stared at him in shock--he was alive! How could things have been different if he hadn't denied him? What would have happened? A million questions and regrets were probably running through Peter's head. The oldest, the example, making the biggest mistake of his life. Probably the biggest regret. The Bible doesn't tell us the details of this account, nor does it say too much about the indepth discussion that they probably had on shore. The reuniting of the 11 disciples with their Savior.

2009-10-15T06:49:00.001-07:00

Microbiology is really getting in over my head now. I took an hour for my tutor to explain to me what DNA, genes, proteins, RNA, and chromosomes are. It was insane. My brain can't hold much more! This stuff is so confusing. Hopefully it makes more sense soon.

All I know is that I think I have happy DNA that makes proteins that keep me alive and goin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl8pSlonmA0&feature=PlayList&p=34778DBD14B84C30&index=32&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL

Pray for me when you think of it. I need all the prayers I can get.

The Uncommon Show

2009-10-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

Oh this is great. I mean GREAT! You can't get a better radio show than this. Seriously. They're playing the great classics from my grade school and early college years.

Audio Adrenaline
DC Talk
Michael W Smith
Relient K: "Sadie Hawkins Dance...in my khaki pants...!"

Freak out. No, don't really. I just have access to the best radio station ever.

2009-10-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

I CHOPPED off my hair. Chop chop. You heard right. I hadn't done this in, lets see, 12 years. Wow am I old! It was funny how some of the students in lab were watching me before class and they then asked me how old I was. They said they were trying to guess my age and knew I was a commuter. I chuckled and said, "I'm 26." No reaction. I think they guessed I was younger :) Or older :*(

I did my hair very "young looking" today and so I think they thought younger.

I know you're dying with suspense. One say I might post a picture of me and my new hair. But probably when you least expect it.

God NEVER leaves us

2009-09-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Mack was surprised. "At the cross? Now wait, I thought you left him--you know--'My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?'" It was a scripture that had often haunted Mack in The Great Sadness.

"You misunderstand the mystery there. Regardless of what he felt at the moment, I never left him."

"How can you say that? You abandoned him just like you abandoned me!"

"Mackenzie, I never left him, and I have never left you."

"That makes no sense to me," he snapped.

"I know it doesn't, at least not yet. Will you at least consider this: When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me?"
~The Shack

When the pain is so painful, it is easy to "lose sight of God". Pain blurs and confuses many things. When we feel pain, we really feel it. Why do you think God made us that way? Pain has a way of taking over all of our mind and in a way controlling our physical life. It affects us in all manners (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) Why did God make us this way? If he knew that pain would cause us to "Lose sight of Him" at times, wouldn't he stop that pain? How can we not allow pain to be all we see when it is so largely affecting us in many ways--our lives. I don't know. But that's okay.

2009-09-30T09:25:00.001-07:00

Today is a lovely day outside. Even though it looks like it could be a comfortable, beautiful, fall day, it's frigid outside. It is warm enough with a fall jacket though.

I'm on my third cup of coffee. Yes, I said third. I stayed up late re-writing my notes. Yes, you heard me right, I was REWRITING MY NOTES. I'm such a nerd...

Lets hope my nerdiness will help me pass the class. I passed my first Exam! That was exciting! Next Exam is on October 8th. Pray for me.

2009-09-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

'"Do you believe you are free to leave?'

'I suppose I am. Am I?'

'Of course you are! I'm not interested in prisoners. You're free to walk out that door right now and go home to your empty house. Or, you could go down to The Grind and hang out with Willie. Just because I know you're too curious to go, does that reduce your freedom to leave?'

She paused only briefly and then turned her back to her task, talking to him over her shoulder. 'Or, if you want to go just a wee bit deeper, we could talk about the nature of freedom itself. Does freedom mean that you are allowed to do whatever you want to do? Or we could talk about all the limiting influences in your life that actively work against your freedom. Your family genetic heritage, your specific DNA, your metabolic uniqueness, the quantum stuff that is going on at a subatomic level where only I am the always-present observer. Or the intrusion of your soul's sickness that inhibits and binds you, or the social influences around you, or the habits that have created synaptic bonds and pathways in your brain. And then there's advertising, propaganda, and paradigms. Inside that confluence of multi-faceted inhibitors,' she sighed, 'what is freedom really?''
~The Shack

Ooooh do I LOVE this. The deeper the better. Some of you may have gotten lost on the second sentence of the third paragraph though. Basically, freedom is relative. Gotta love it. We don't have a defined turn left or right in our life. That's too black and white. God didn't make the world in black and white!!! For goodness sake, he made beautiful different colors for us to ENJOY! Praise God for that. We have a gazillion choices to make in our lifetime...from whether we press the snooze button, to what we eat for breakfast, to how many cups of coffee we're going to limit ourself to in a day. (I limited to 3 today) God gives us choices so that He can see the beauty of LIFE in us, through us, and the big picture of our life puzzle is so beautiful. My Lab Prof. explained it like this. We may have rocks and boulders to climb over today and the road is rough and rocky, but when you turn around and look at where you've been, you see a beautiful array of the rock formations that God has made with your past and what you've been through. I know that is a bit beyond freedom, but God works through our many personal decisions. Our life isn't going to be completely changed whether I eat cherrios or corn flakes this morning, or even if I don't get that raise. We adjust and flex through life. That's how it goes. And God works in the good AND the bad to make our lives beautiful when we look back at what we thought would be a horribly terrible past--it's a beautiful formation. If you've been to the mountains in the West or East, or if you've been to the Grand Canyon, you know what I'm talking about. Our lives have layers and layers of things that happen to us. But together, it makes something beautiful. I don't know how it happens, or really how it works, but God somehow does it...perfectly.

2009-09-29T06:25:00.001-07:00

I took the time to soak my new clothes in fabric softener after washing them--just to make them extra soft and nice-smelling. I'm wearing one of my new tops and sweater today and I think I'm going to get a headache. The fabric softener is too strong. But I'm too cool to admit that I put too much fabric softener in the mix because only cool people take the time to do such things anyway.

I just need some coffee. I'll be back...

2009-09-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

My best advise (which I've heard from several sources and I'm passing it on with my own twist) is to get a college degree, live dirt cheap after to pay off your loans asap, while working a job that pays as much as you can get for your skills. LIVE UNDER YOUR PAY. Don't live above what you're paid, that is stupid. You'll have a ton of dept more and probably have to go bankrupt. That's stupid. Don't do it. Live life for what it is! Don't get married unless you think you "have to", -- wait until you're older and wiser and don't make rash decisions. Otherwise you will be bogged down by the many demands of being married. If you want more advise on this, ask me. Eat carrots--they're good for your vision. They taste better with French Onion Dip. Make your own laundry soap, it'll save you a ton of money per year! www.soapsgonebuy.com is the place to go for that advise. Carry a tablet of paper around with you. It will help you to remember those little tidbits of information that you wish you had written down, or thought you would remember, but can't. Lastly, follow God. Jesus Christ has a path for you to go down, and if you don't follow His path, you are not going to experience God's best for your life. Your whole life you will keep wondering "what if I had done ____" on that particular area of your life. Stop asking "What IF" and just do it. More questions on this, ask me.

The end.

2009-09-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

"'But then,' he paused, still focused on staying rational, 'why is there such an emphasis on you being a Father? I mean, it seems to be the way you most reveal yourself.'

'Well,' responded Papa, turning away from him and bustling around the kitchen, 'there are many reasons for that, and some of them go very deep. Let me say for now that we knew once the creation was broken, true fathering would be much more lacking than mothering. Don't misunderstand me, both are needed--but an emphasis on fathering is necessary because of the enormity of its absence.'"
~The Shack

Well said. I think it has a lot to do with "human culture" as well though. God made man to be the head of the family. God needed to make sure that is was clearly known that God is a leader and "the head" of the family.

"I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature."

2009-09-24T05:59:00.001-07:00

I really don't get how people can drink black coffee. Seriously, it is so bitter, what is wrong with those peoples' taste buds!? There is something wrong.

If I ever say that I "like coffee" I'm talkin about the souped up stuff with logs of sugar, creamer, and anything else to cover the bitterness and "coffee" taste.

2009-09-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, Handy Andy, AKA Circle K, would be cooler if it still had Mountain Dew Freezes. But it doesn't. Just had to say that. I miss the Mountain Dew Freezes.

2009-09-16T19:11:00.001-07:00

"'She picked up the wooden spoon again, dripping with some sort of batter. 'Mackenzie, I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature. If I choose to appear to you as a man or a woman, it's because I love you. For me to appear to you as a woman and suggest that you call me Papa is simply to mix metaphors, to help you keep from falling so easily back into your religious conditioning. She leaned forward as if to share a secret. 'To reveal myself to you as a very large, white grandfather figure with flowing beard, like Gandalf, would simply reinforce your religious stereotypes, and this weekend is not about reinforcing your religious stereotypes.'

Mack almost laughed out loud and wanted to say, 'you think? I'm over here barely believing that I'm not stark raving mad!' Instead, he focused on what she had just said and regained his composure. He believed, in his head at least, that God was a spirit, neither male nor female, but in spite of that, he was embarrassed to admit to himself that all his visuals for God were very white and very male."

~The Shack

So many of us are Religiously conditioned. It makes me sick.

But I really love how "Papa" reveals 'himself' in a way that would challenge/break the religious stereotype that Mack had, and most of us have. It is so refreshing.

2009-09-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

"Mack was glad they were stepping back from the edge of his ugly accusation. It has scared him how near he had come to being totally overwhelmed by it. 'I think it'd be easier to have this conversaion if you weren't wearing a dress,' he suggested and attempted a smile, as weak as it was.

'If it were easier, then I wouldn't be,' She said with a slight giggle. "I'm not trying to make this harder for either of us. But this is a good place to start. I often find that getting head issues out of the way first makes the heart stuff easier to work on later...when you're ready."
~The Shack

If only things were really this simple, easy and straight forward. Okay, forget the easy part. It's not easy.

What if you came face to face with God.

2009-09-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

"Suddenly I realized that I wanted to ask a thousand questions or say a thousant things, some of them unspeakable and terrible. I was sure that my face betrayed the emotions I battle to control in my head...and then in a flash of a second I shove everything back into my battered heart's closet, locking the door on the way out. Would God be shocked if I outright show what I am feeling. Where can I do that where I would feel comfortable to yell, scream, possibly say things that would not be good for others to witness. Where is that safe place where it's more than my heart touching His, but a physical location where I can physically feel safe and feel free to be able to release my crazy self. "
~The Shack

I just took the above paragraph from a book i'm reading "THE SHACK" and put my, me, and I in the places where Mack was talking about himself. I have felt the above many many many times. What's your story?

2009-09-14T19:03:00.001-07:00

"'Now see here, Mackenzie. You don't have to be lookin; out for me. I listen to everything--and not just to the music itself, but the hearts behind it. Don't you remember your seminary classes? These kids ain't saying anything I haven't heard before; they're just full of vinegar adn fizz. Lots of anger and, I must say, with some good reason too. They're just some of my kids showin' and spoutin' off. I am especially fond of those boys, you know. Yup, I'll be keeping my eye on 'em.'"
~The Shack

Some people find it difficult to see this as any truth at all. Maybe God does like all kinds of music--and music does have the ability (just like art) to show a person's inner struggles, emotions, as well as joy. Too much negativity is seen in the beat or the darkness of the song. What about the songwriter. They're probably just "dying" to learn about something/someone that would make life worth living. And without that, what is there? Most of the songs are about people's desperate attempt to fill their soul with things/stuff that doesn't matter a bit. Others are just completely emotional (screaming rage, depressive sad country, sex-saturated, hippy hop hop hop and Rap. Hip hop and rap are pushing some different buttons at different times.) I love the sounds of hip hop and rap because of hte beat. If it's got a good christian message, I love it more. I have a hard time though if I learn a secular song that has a good beat and can't get it out of my head. I only want to fill my head with Christian songs to encourage me. Why put in crud when you can put in upbeats? But I am and would be willing to listen to the other secular stuff with the sole purpose of knowing the emotions and pain behind the songs that are played. That is a whole ministry inside it self. Go Papa!

"Mack struggled to keep up with her, to make some sense of what was happening. None of his old seminary training was helping in the least. He was at a sudden loss for words and his million questions had all seemed to abandon him. so he stated the obvious.

'You must know,' he offered, 'calling you Papa is a bit of a stretch for me.'

'Oh really?" She looked at him in mock surprise. 'Of course I know. I always know.' She chuckled. 'But tell me, why do you think it's hard for you? is it because it's too familiar for you, or maybe because I'm showing myself as a woman, a mother, or...'

'No small issue there,' Mack interrupted with an awkward chuckle.

'Or, Maybe it's because of the failures of your own papa?'

Mack gasped involuntarily. He wasn't used to having deep secrets surface so quickly and openly. Instantly guilt and anger welled up and he wanted to lash out with a sarcastic remark in response. Mack felt as if he were dangling over a bottomless chasm and was afraid if he let any of it out, he would lose control of everything. He sought for safe footing, but was only partly successful, finally answering through gritted teeth, 'maybe it's because I've never known anyone I could really call Papa.'

At that she put down the mixing bowl that had been cradled in her arm and, leaving the wooden spoon in it. She turned toward Mack with tender eyes. She didn't have to say it; he knew she understood what was going on inside of him, and somehow he knew she cared about him more than anyone ever had. 'If you let me Mack, I'll be the Papa you never had.'"
~The Shack

This is an interesting and touchy point for some people. I find it interesting that Papa (Father God) is portrayed as a woman and that her reasoning for being a woman is solely for his best interest. Read on:

"The offer was at once inviting and at the same time repulsive. He had always wanted a Papa he could trust, but he wasn't sure he'd find it here, especially if this one couldn't even protect his Missy. A long silence hung between them. Mack was uncertain what to say, and she was in no hurry to let the moment pass easily.

'If you couldn't take care of Missy, how can I trust you to take care of me?' There, he'd said it--the question that had tormented him every day of The Great Sadness. Mack felt his face flush angry red as he stared at what he now considered to be some odd characterization of God, and he realized his hands were knotted into fists.

'Mack, I'm so sorry.' Tears began to trail down her cheeks. 'I know what a great gulf this has put between us. I know you don't understand this yet, but I am especially fond of Missy, and you too.'

He loved the way she said Missy's name and yet he hated it coming from her. It rolled off her tongue like the sweetest wine and even through all the fury still raging in his mind he somehow knew she meant it. He wanted to believe her and slowly some of his rage began to subside.

'That's why you're here, Mack,' she continued. "I want to heal the wound that has grown inside of you and between us.'"
~The Shack

Oh to have a wonderfully, simple, human conversation with God. There is nothing like it. Everything is clear, peaceful, right, and good. Share with me what you think.

2009-09-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

"Suddenly Mack wanted to ask a thousand questions, or say a thousand things, some of them unspeakable and terrible. He was sure that his face betrayed the emotions he was battling to control, and then in a flash of a second he shoved everything back into his battered heart's closet, locking the door on the way out. If She knew his inner conflict, She showed nothing by her expression--still open, full of life, and inviting."
~The Shack

Those times when I have not a thousand, but a million or trillion questions to ask are the times when I am most dumbfound. Found dumb as dumb can be. Where in the world do you start sometimes? It's like praying again when it's been a while. You get me? It is something that somehow almost is hard to do if you haven't been practicing it on a regular basis. Where do you start? When emotions are involved though, that makes things more tough. The activity of letting them out and then suppressing them again is one terrible game that we all play...and we don't even know it. It's such a rediculous thing to do when God already knows what we think and feel. Why not talk to Him about it?? Free the air between you and God today! For goodness sake, He already knows what you are thinking and feeling--just tell Him about it.

This'll throw you for a twist.

2009-09-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

"'Isn't she great!' Exclaimed Jesus, grinning at Mack.

Mack turned and faced him shaking his head. 'Am I going crazy? Am I supposed to believe that God is a big black woman with a questionable sense of humor?'

Jesus laughed. 'She's a riot! You can always count on her to throw you a curve or two. She loves surprises, and even though you might not think it, her timing is always perfect.'

'Really?' said Mack, still shaking his head, and not sure if he really believed that 'So now what am I supposed to do?'

'Your not supposed to do anything. You're free to do whatever you like.' Jesus paused and then continued, trying to help by giving Mack a few suggestions. 'I am working on a wood project in he shed; Sarayu is in the garden; or you could go fishing, canoeing, or go in and talk to Papa.

'Well, I sort of feel obligated to go in and talk to him, uh, her.'

'Oh,' now Jesus was serious. 'Don't go because you feel obligated. That won't get you any points around here. Go because it's what you want to do.'"
~The Shack

This is such a wonderful statement of God's desire for us to desire Him and do His Will...not doing anything out of obligation. By obligation, we start to become like the Pharisees in the Bible. I dare say, we should not go to church out of obligation, but out of desire. I believe that too many people feel obligated to go to Church, and so they do, and that's "okay," but it is not as God intended church to be. In reality the church is a body of believers and "going to church" don't do anything for the body unless you are with it. Get me?

These people that feel obligated to go to Church, obligated to tithe, obligated to volunteer, obligated to say "yes"...they NEED an inside-out transformation! God wants the desire of our hearts to be pleasing in His sight, and the only way that is possible is for us to daily ask God to change us to be more like Him from the inside-out. I just absolutely love this quote and how it precisely, but gently reminds us that the desire within us must be changed, and sometimes it can only really be changed by God.

FYI: Papa is Father God, in the form of a woman (for the sake of Mack, the main character who did not have a good father growing up and therefore would not see Father God as He truly is). Sarayu is the Holy Spirit, working in the beautiful garden of our hearts. Jesus is Jesus.

2009-09-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

"He slumped to the ground and buried his face in his hands. Was there ever a man as tired as he was at this moment? For the first time since Missy's disappearance, he allowed himself to consider the range of horrendous possibilities, and once it started he couldn't stop; the imaginations of good and evil all mixed up together in a soundless but terrifying parade. Even when he tried to shake free of the images, he couldn't. Some were horrible ghastly snapshots of torture and pain; of monsters and demons of the deepest dark with barbwire fingers and razor touches; of Missy screaming for her daddy and no one answering. And mixed throughout these horrors were flashes of other memories; the toddler with her Missy-sippy cup as they had called it; the two-year-old drunk from eating too much chocolate cake; and the one image so recently made as she fell asleep safely in her daddy's arms. Unyielding images. What would he say at her funeral? What could he possibly say to Nan? How could this have happened? God, how could this happen?...He was swept helplessly away in the unrelenting and merciless grip of growing despair, slowly rocking back and forth. Soul-shredding sobs and groans clawed to the surface from the core of his being...In one day he had spend a year's worth of emotions, and now he felt numb, adrift in a suddenly meaningless world that felt like it would be forever gray."
--The Shack

Memories of torture and pain along with pleasant and good memories are the most terrible things to recall. Dreams of goodness, with bad just does not make sense to a mind. It can drive one to madness in an instant. It is next to unbearable. All one can do is cry out to God in these moments, for the pain is only left at bay to the slightest degree when God intervenes with some bit of peace, quiet, and rest. Because nothing else matters at the moment, and yet everything matters and effects you...life is a torrent of horrible gray nothingness. Each day seems like a week, and the most horrible week bearable. You wonder how you got through it without pulling out your brains...or at least hitting your head against something hard so that you can be knocked out for a few moments. Or pain other than in your head. If you feel pain somewhere else in your body, it [falsely] distracts your mind from what it is thinking about, to what your body is feeling...It is easy to measure someone's mental pain by how much physical pain they incur upon themselves.

Moments when you experience such shock and torture in your life are almost impossible to describe, but William Young does it precisely and beautifully.

2009-09-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

I just ingested [good] bacteria today...it was in my yogurt. Yummmm

You ask why? I say why not?

2009-08-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

"Why nursing? Really?...Nursing?? Are you sure you don't mean Agriculture, Horticulture or Plant biology or something. I mean, that is what I love. And..."

You will minister for me in this way (Nursing). You will do wonders (miracles) in My Name.

"Oh God, is that really you? You really want me to do this? I'm not even good at science...I suck at science. You know I suck at science. You would have me do this? Do you know how hard that would be for me to do this? I..."

You will do this. I will help you. You are intelligenct, and I will help you accomplish this [great task]. You will minister for Me in this way.

"Thank you God. Thank you! Thank you for revealing Your Will for me! Thank you LORD! I cannot do this without you...and for that I give you Thanks!"

This is My Will for you, My Leading. You are HERE for a reason, and it is this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am going to start taking Nursing classes for you can see the above conversation which the Lord and I had a few nights ago. He made His Will for me very clear and spoke to me what I must do. It was so clear that I know it is foolishness to dismiss it as my own thinking. I would not have this for myself as I know I could not complete this mission on my own. For me alone, this would be stupid to try to accomplish, as I know I would fail. But for God to do this through me, my weakness, I know that I will complete it and complete it well! For that I give God the highest praise, for He is worthy! I thank you Lord! For He has finally answered my prayers of many years "what is it that you would have me do!?" (in missions) and "why am I HERE now in Marion of all places!?" I could not leave though. Now I know my reason...God's reason for me. For without coming to Marion, I would not have worked at IWU, if not at IWU I could not take classes for free tuition in nursing...therefore, I am here now, for this very reason. He has made it be--just as clearly as I knew I was meant to be here to work in OCLS (at the beginning), so I know it to be true that He has kept me here so that I can take classes to fulfill His Glory through me. It is for this reason that He has met me in the greenhouse of the Science building, at IWU, to give me this precious calling of Love. I will give love to others through an act of servanthood in healing the sick and speaking truth to them. God's Truth. I will do it in the deep bush of Africa, for HIS glory and namesake. All for Jesus.

Goodbye manners

2009-08-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

I stirred sugar into my coffee (in my McConn Coffee thermos) with a used knife. It had peanut butter on it too. I can't taste the peanut butter in my coffee though. Bummer.

Moments like these...

2009-08-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

When you get to leave work to go and work in a greenhouse until 9:30 and be absolutely enthrolled in your volunteering there that you don't care if you ever get paid again. It's always better to do stuff volunteering.

Oh the fabulousness of it all, you have no idea. My free reign of succulents and cacti all night made me feel like a freed butterfly, fluttering here and there and here again...etc. etc...

I transplanted at least 50 plants tonight. Threw away maybe 3/4 more. Need more garbage bags now. The housekeepers weren't taking our trash so we had two full things of trash. I put them outside of our greenhouse room so that they have to take them and throw them away. Hopefully they're gone tomorrow==I don't wnat to have to, But I will resort to using my own trash bags if I have to. I am so crazy. Time to go to bed. Night ya'll.

Suisse Mocha

2009-08-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

As I take a small sip of this wonderful deliciousness...I immediately had a flashback to the smells and comforts of Shepherd House from Senior Year. I miss college.

Those were the days when life was simple, structured, and complete.

(Never thought I would say that, but I'll even take the homework too.)

2009-08-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

This is the freakin' slowest day of my life. Weekend come quickly.

Oh yeah, and I think my Venus Flytrap died. Unfortunately, I don't live in a hideously disgusting swamp with flies swarming all around me, in my ears buzzing and sweaty clothes sticking to me and muck between my toes and matted hair because I haven't been able to bathe for weeks...kind of like a Luke Skywalker goes to visit Yoda on the Daegoba System thing, EXCEPT in real life. Starwars is not real life. Don't cry.

2009-07-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

To the left is a sneak peak at my current thrifty project. Below are pics of "The Garden".

Surprise partee on 6/10 (just one day late-not bad)

2009-06-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

(Opening presents)

(Want a piece of delicious cake?)

Plant presents

2009-06-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

(not sure how to spell the name of this one...much less pronounce it)

Venus Flycatcher

Farm Friends

2009-06-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

2009-04-13T06:43:00.001-07:00

I can't remember that there has been one day go by in the last month that I haven't felt muscle pain. I am always sore now. Mostly in my arms and upperback. Soon I'll look like Superman with massive arm muscles. Well, hopefully not that big of muscles.

...this too shall pass...

Horse fun with Nancy

2009-04-11T08:53:00.003-07:00

Click on Photo for full image.

Horse fun with Nancy

2009-04-11T08:53:00.001-07:00

Click on photo or full image.

Horse fun with Nancy

2009-04-11T08:51:00.001-07:00

Click on photo or full image.

Horse fun with Nancy

2009-04-10T09:28:00.001-07:00

Click on photo or full image.

March showers brings April flowers...

2009-03-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

The Rigoletto soundtrack is so perfect to listen to on a dreary day like today.

I almost DIED last night!

2009-03-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

I was taking the peat pots of seeds/seedlings off the shelves to water them, one at a time. I got through most of them with no problem. BUT THEN...I picked up the red pot and as I was walking to the sink (looking closely in the pot for seedlings sprouting) I was extremely shocked/surprised/near heart-attack mode when I saw a HUGE spider crawl up top the edge of the cup. Not only was I startled at the fact that there was a spider RIGHT THERE (and almost touched my hand!), but it was huge and I'm not kidding. The body of the spider was the size of a pea and the rest of him (sprawled out) made up to the size of a quarter maybe. Maybe bigger. I almost died. I threw the cup at the sink doh...OH MY GOODNESS!!!! My heart jumped out of my body (thus the almost dying part of the saga) and I had a stare-down with the predator for about 20 seconds. He was frozen, I was frozen. He had dropped himself down in the sink and I was trying to figure out what to do. Use my shoe?! NO! There would be spider guts on my shoe! Use a magazine? No those are in the other room and I don't have that long--have to keep an eye on where this spider is so I don't lose him. Immediately (after 20 seconds) he started crawling back up to the cup and I tried to shew him back down into the sink. Safer in the sink than on my plant (by the way, how I threw the cup at the sink, I thought for sure the seeds would be gonners, but everthing but a few clumps of dirt stayed in the cup).

I used one of my green scrubbers to shew the thing in the sink and turned on the water. The insy winsy spider went up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out... I knew immediately what to do--I've known since my childhood. TURN ON THE WATER!!!! So I turned on the water so the evil vermin would be washed down the drain. I ran water for at least a minute to make sure he had drown. The thing being so huge, I didn't want to take any chances. He was, after all, a deadly spider.

Once I was sure that he had to be washed down to the Mississippi, I turned off the water, but kept a close eye on the drain to make sure he didn't crawl back up right away. After watering the rest of the pots (after close inspection), I plugged the drain with the plug on one side and covered the other side with a plate. You can never been too careful.

Grandma said I should have ran hot water. That will be sure to take care of it. I was so befuddled though that I even forgot to do that, but with the drains plugged, I thought I'd be okay. I hope he doesn't come up my bathroom sink though. That would be even more freaky.

I really really don't like spiders.

2009-03-10T10:34:00.001-07:00

I often have revelations that I want to write/type so that I don't forget them. It comes to me spur of the moment and often I don't have paper with me or don't have my computer out--often it happens while i'm driving. So that isn't a safe time to write anything out. I want to share my heart though. I want to share what it is that God is revealing to me. This wisdom, I believe, is not something that is [always] just for me, but for others too!

I just can't remember right now what that last revelation was though. Frustrating.

This is my new years resolution though--i'm going to start writing/typing out these revelations.

(One is never late for a new years resolution)

The newest dilemma in my life.

2009-03-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

Should I return the +1.0 glasses that I bought a while back to see if they would fix my headaches, but they didn't--OR keep them until i'm old and will inevitably need to use them unless God is extra kind to me by giving me good eyes (which is the only physical thing about me that has stayed well or gotten better over time, so far).

PUPPY NEXT DOOR!!!

2009-03-03T09:27:00.002-08:00

There is a "new" puppy next door (owner says he's 2 years old though). Where they tie him outside, it's between the two houses so he comes onto our property. I can't say how excited I was. He is the SWEETEST and most friendly pit bull I've met. Yes, a pit bull. He is so extremely sweet though, you have no idea. I might take a picture of him sometime. He has a long tail and his ears are floppy so he just looks (and acts) like a big puppy doll.

(Dad--I looked it up: pit bulls are bigger and more friendly, cute-looking and english bulldogs are the ugly small ones)

It warms my heart...then immediately breaks it

2009-02-25T12:04:00.001-08:00

It warms my heart...then immediately breaks it--to see pictures that remind me of Africa. I am so drawn to anything that reminds me of my beautiful, spiritual time there. Through my time in Africa, I have felt my calling to missions be confirmed. My leading in a particular direction (location) has not been confirmed though. My heart breaks and aches in waiting. I must have strength though. All things are revealed, in time.

It was quietly revealed to me in the last couple of weeks that perhaps God has a different place for me to go to in the world. Maybe that is why He hasn't revealed to me where it is that I must go. If I am so set on Africa and think that that is exactly where God is going to send me, then how in the world could I hear Him telling me to go to a country outside of Africa. I would completely dismiss the idea. It has been revealed that, as a missionary, I need to be willing to go anywhere. It's not about the place as much as it is the passion. I cried as I surrendered my desires to God, my Maker, that if He wants me to go somewhere else (other than Africa), I WILL GO! It's not so much the idea of my glorifying what I view to be missions, but that that IS my calling and even so, it will not be easy. The first, most difficult thing for me (so far), is that I had to surrender my desires of going to Africa only as a missionary. I'm not even on the field yet. God is working on me already. Breaking my heart for missions, wherever I may go--I will love the people completely and tell them the Truth about God and Jesus.

If you do not have a calling into missions, you can't possibly know what I feel. But maybe it's something else that you feel God wants you to do, but you physically cannot do it at this time. The longing, the yearning, the need to do what I am called to do. It is almost unbearable. Sometimes I feel like I might explode. Do you know what it is like?

August Rush

2009-02-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

There is something absolutely intoxicating about this movie. It pulls you in--your heart and very soul is touched. Deep down you can feel it in your bones. The passion of this movie is mysteriously familiar somehow. It is almost like the still small voice, barely heard, but known.
This movie is fiction and it is all about music and the passion behind it. I love fiction movies because it draws you into a more depth of the world without making it completely unbelievable. The Sci-Fi stuff is just fascinating because it isn’t real, but the fiction is mysterious. I am not crazy about music, but I am crazy about art and nature. Because of that, this movie drew me in like a drink of fresh, cold water. I can identify with the beauty of nature and hearing “the music” of the wind, the trees, and the grass.

“Listen. Can you hear it? The music. I can hear it everywhere. In the wind, in the air, in the light. It’s all around us. All you have to do is open yourself up. All you have to do is listen.” --Evan Taylor, August Rush © 2007.

I highly recommend this movie. There is a little violence (physical and verbal), mild language and drinking/smoking. There is one “implied” scene, but doesn’t show anything. This is one of the most fabulous movies I’ve seen and that says something—I have a critical eye and ear for movies. It takes a lot to impress me, but this movie did just that.

2009-02-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it was 63 here (almost no-coat weather) and a little rainy and windy. Today though is the first official "Rainy day" of the year (and very windy!) though because it's a constant drizzle at the least.

Had to bring my umbrella to work.

That means it's officially the first "Rainy day" of the year.

SPRING IS COMING! Woo hoo!

If you haven't yet, read "The Shack"

2009-02-06T10:22:00.000-08:00

"...the end does not justify the means;
the end redeems the means..."

~Excerpt from "The Shack"

when the world has fallen out from under me

2009-02-04T05:35:00.000-08:00

Walking, stumbling, on these shadowfeet

Toward home, a land that I’ve never seen

I am changing, less and less asleep

Made of different stuff than when I began

And I have sensed it all along, fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me

I’ll be found in You, still standin’

When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees

When time and space are through I’ll be found in You

There’s distraction buzzing in my head

Saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay

But I’ve heard rumours of true reality, whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me

I’ll be found in You, still standin’

When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees

When time and space are through I’ll be found in You

You make all things new..

When the world has fallen out from under me

I’ll be found in You, still standin’

When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees

When time and space are through I’ll be found in You

When the world has fallen out from under me

I’ll be found in You, still standin’

Every fear and accusation under my feet

When time and space are through, I’ll be found in You..

~Brooke Frasier

2009-01-30T05:32:00.000-08:00

So it's been, what, 3-4 days since the official snow plowers have plowed our street. But. Guess what happened last night when they "so carefully" plowed our street (43rd). Guess. Okay, i'll tell you. THEY BLOCKED ME IN! The freaks. All of my hard work shoveling myself out only lasted 2 days. . . now I am officially snowed in. I tried to shovel the snow out of the way to make a path so I could get my car out this morning. Nope. It's 2 feet of solid snow and ice that will NOT move. Lucky for me. I'm not bitter or anything. But if they had kept up the work of plowing all of the roads whenever it snowed, this wouldn't have happened. They're lazy and because of it, I can't get my car out. Thanks alot Marion. This sucks.

Turning Wheels

2009-01-29T09:19:00.001-08:00

I can turn my wheels with no problem. Wheels being tires. I don't think of them differently. Anyway, I've grown up driving in snow, but not thick, mushy snow that stops you--if the snow is like that, the city snow plowers are good at clearing the roads in Michigan. It's kinda fun though.

Guess what I can do.

Guess.

Okay I'll tell you.
Today, I started in 3rd gear, from a stop (at a very snowy/mushy intersection) and didn't stall...WOO HOO!

To me that's cool. Okay. I admit. I did stall twice. Then I made it through without stalling on the third try. I didn't realize that I was in 3rd gear until I was out on the road, going. I did think it was very strange that my car was stalling so easily when I was putting on the gas/clutch very carefully. Anyway. Small tid-bit of excitement for the day. You now know something new about me that you can share with whomever you please.

I can start my car in third gear, in snow, from a stop,...without stalling on the third try.

Snow-shoveler's Glory

2009-01-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

The "snow plowers" in town are getting a good income this winter; although, they're not doing a good job at keeping all of the roads clear. I have to parallel park on a road that is not busy so it has been plowed maybe once in the last three days (This is bad. We've gotten like 10 inches, at least, since Tuesday). It took me three tries to get out off of 43rd and onto Washington St. this morning. Seriously. We either need more plowers, or we need more plowers. It is disgustingly wrong if you get stuck on a street...IN THE CITY...because the street has not been plowed. Hello city official people. Do your job!

I had to shovel snow like crazy and just got done with it. Guess what I noticed when I stepped inside? My jaw hurt like crazy! I had to take medicine and then put a few frozen food packages on my cheeks to try and ease the pain. It literally felt like my jaw was broken or something.

Yeah. It was a lot of snow and it was hard work. Guess I used my jaw muscles a little too much in the process.

2009-01-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

I vote for us to "spring forward" and get on with the Spring. I've had enough of Winter.

8 things I don't like about winter:

2008-12-16T09:52:00.000-08:00

#1: It's too cold!
#2: Chapped, dry lips that never recover.
#3: No sunshine. Ever.
#4: Too cold in the apartment,...then too hot..., then too cold...
#5: Ice on the car windows and windshield.
#6: Snow that gets in my shoes and makes your socks wet and they never quite dry.
#7: I can't walk (Or I'll have an asthma attack) or ride my bike (or I'll slip and break my neck) to work.
#8: When you step outside, either your nose runs (leakage of bodily warmth), or your boogers freeze.

The first snow...

2008-11-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

There was a light layer of snow on the ground when I left my house this morning. My response was "Ooooo..." I was a little surprised at my response. It might have been more like "Ughekk!" if it were freezing cold outside. But it wasn't a ton of snow so not bad.

The flurries are floating down outside right now...and it looks so nice.

"The Pasta Mix with a kick!"

2008-10-27T07:49:00.001-07:00

I made a fabulous dish from scratch (totally impromptu). Try it sometime:

1/2- 1 lb. Ground Beef
1 onion
1/2 lb. Penne pasta (Or whatever pasta you want to put with it)
1 can tomato paste
Oregano
Italian seasoning
Basil
Thyme
Lawry Salt
Celery Salt
Corriander
Garlic

Cook (in a skillet) 1/2 to 1 lb of ground beef (depending on how much you want to make...I made enough for three servings with approx. 1/2 lb). Cook beef with 1 onion chopped up good. Cook until beef is no longer pink. Add lawry salt, thyme, celery salt, garlic, oregano, italian seasoning, basil, and a few balls of corriander (all in moderation as much as you like seasoning/spices...I love spices! (You could also add chili powder or Curry if that floats your boat). Once the beef is good and cooked, turn heat to low simmer and add the tomato paste. Cover if you want for a little while (the longer you cook this, the more the spices, meat and onions mix mix to add taste). While the beef starts cooking, boil the penne pasta . Once the pasta is done cooking, strain, and add to the meat sauce. Top with broken corn chips or cheese. It is SO GOOD! Try it-

(c) 2008 mjo.smith recipes

One day.

2008-09-15T09:56:00.001-07:00

When I get some blue food coloring, I will put it in my milk so I can offer my guests Jawa Juice.

Know your enemy's tactics

2008-09-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

"It’s foolish for us to ignore our opponent. Satan goes after your weakest link or most vulnerable spot, preys on fear, pain, sexual desires, anger, and distrust, uses Christian lingo to disguise his lies, and works hard to get you to underestimate his presence and power. "

(From Group Magazine, by Timothy Sanford, Sept.Oct 08, 34:6 , pg. 71)

The blue sky is so gorgeous today!

2008-07-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's like a fairytale (If that is possible in Indiana). When the sky is so blue and there are cottonball clouds, everything else seems a little brighter.

2008-07-22T10:32:00.001-07:00

“Fantasy is a story of things that cannot happen without a spiritual cause…It opens our eyes to see another realm that people cannot see with their eyes.” -- Davis

I like to play with fire...

2008-06-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

and when you play with fire, you're bound to get burned. I played with fire. I got burned. It hurt.

And there is something wrong with the air in the Library which requires that I lubricate my eyes in order to see. Oh the sacrifices I make.

It's Fast Forward from here on out...

2008-04-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

Poor [College] Seniors don't know what's coming to them. Ai. The stress of real life is very different than the stress of College, but life itself is very different too. You have to fight, for everything.

Life is no longer on a platter for you to stuff yourself. Learn to fight for what you want and what you believe. Very few things can be assumed.

SPRING is here

2008-04-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

How I know you ask?

Lets see. In March the Ladybugs started swarming the most inconvenient places (doorways show their corpses)...why they liked to hang there, I don't know, but didn't notice they were there until it was too late.

TODAY:

I found a gazillion (okay not that many) ants swarming in my kitchen. They've found flour under my counter that has been there from my last cookie cooking spree. (that was only a few weeks ago). WELL THEY LIKE FLOUR. OKAY THEY LIKE ANYTHING THAT IS "FOOD".

Home-dwellers beware of the great ant.

I'll meet you in the ant-termination aisle at Walmart.

Unique quote of the day in OCLS (and it isn't even 9 yet)

2008-04-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

Student with thick Italian accent: "So basically what you are telling me is that there is more than one way to skin a cat."

Co-worker Elizabeth: "Yes."

2008-02-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

I've seriously gained many a gray hair in the last year. I'm afraid of how many I'll gain when I get married and have children. I'll be all gray by the time I have my second child (if it is God's will that I have any at that). You just wait and see.

It sucks when you can't pull your hair back without at least two gray hairs poking out for all to see. Of course, as a girl this is more traumatic than any guy could imagine. Girls are supposed to "always look perfect." No gray hairs. It's the culture (and that is what stinks about it).

Any culture-breakers out there?

Please, don't tell me i'm the only none. I prefer to age gracefully (say no to hair dye!).

(just watch as my mind changes with my hair in a few years...if not sooner)

...um...i think...no...i don't remember.

2008-02-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

You know you're sick if it takes you around 60 seconds to remember what it was that you "were going to do [next]" It's been over a year since I've had a cold. I hate colds.

Airplane Lines in the sky

2008-01-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

I don't like the stagnation indoors during the winter.

I do like it though when you come in from the outdoors to a nice cozy abode.

Spring, come quickly.

Christmas is coming!

2007-12-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

I came home Wednesday night after work to see my place decorated....and the front light works now! Thanks Carlos!!! My parents came down for the day/night and brought some nice Christmas decor for my apartment. I think what makes me smile each time I see it is the awesome jalapeno wreath hanging on my Front door. It is so wicked awesome beyond imagination. I wouldn't have thought of it but my parents sure did! It's pretty much the coolest thing ever. Totally fits my personality. I'm nothing but a jalapeno pepper in this freezing land of Indiana (not to say that I stay warm, but I want to stay warm and most of the time feel a bit cold). That's what happens when you spend the first two years of your life in Texas. It's in my blood. I'll always be a native Texan.

And thanks Mom and Dad for decorating my apartment. The tree is great and I love the candles. You two are the greatest!

2007-10-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

I love stories. I love learning new things. I love change.

Seven years ago, if you'd asked me about change, I would have said I hated it. It made me cry. I didn't like any kind of change. But we have no choice in life; we have to change. There are stages and circumstances that force us to change in life. It sucks at times, but you cannot avoid change. So far, the only change I do not like now that I am in the real world, is the change of friends leaving. The transition from college to real life was the hardest....yet.

Some things get better, some things don't.